Irreplaceable

I am Jeannette.

I am my father's daughter. His only one.

I am my mother's daughter. Her only one.

I am my brothers' sister. Their only one.

I am...I am.

Immortality.

I've been looking for more blogs and whatever to add to my subscription list on Google Reader. Discovered Weird Tales through one of the blogs I'm following. Decided to subscribe to that as well.

And it, I read an essay on Poe by Alethea Kontis and was reminded of the fascination for Poe when I was in the transition years between primary school and high school (ie. 11-13).

At that time, I was anything but a goth. My favorite colors were pastel pink and lavender. (I actually still like those colors a lot.) Perhaps I had an inner dark side. Okay fine, I did have an inner dark side. I do still have an inner dark side. Everyone does. I just wasn't totally aware of it then.

Anyway, at that time, I was only interested in his short stories. I loved the story where a man walled his drunk friend into a hole in the wall. For some strange reason I really liked The Fall of the House of Usher as well. I didn't really understand it...but it struck a nerve. I'm not sure why. I also remember really liking The Pit and the Pendulum.

But lately, I've discovered this insane love for poetry. And now that I love it, I find that I can understand it. I just read Annabel Lee by Poe...and it's (oh my gawd!) beautiful.

They say that one of the themes that Poe very often wrote about was the death of a beautiful woman. 'They' say a lot of things about Poe. But who cares if he was a deviant? They're celebrating his 200th birthday. They're freakin' celebrating his 200th birthday!

This is how we become immortal. We leave our memes behind. Even if our genes don't last, our memes might. My memes might.

Immortality. I want it. I want it badly.

No, I'm not cheerful.

But I do like fairies. And my fairy name is...

Tangle Elfdancer

She is a cheerful sprite.

She lives at the bottom of tangled gardens and in hedgerows.

She is only seen when the bees swarm and the crickets chirrup.

She wears tangled dresses of multicoloured petals. She has delicate green wings like a cicada.

Get your free fairy name here!

LOL!

Obsession

"What have you done?! O, Eve, what have you done?" said Adam. He covered his face with his hands. The weight of what Eve had done pressed down on his chest. God would surely punish her.

Adam looked up at the woman in front of him. There was a light in her eyes that he had never seen before. She did not look sorry. "I've eaten the fruit that God forbade us to eat," she said. "It's really good. You can have some if you like."

Adam drank her up with his eyes. Her scent washed over his body. He looked closely at her and he saw a stranger. But the stranger was Eve. Eve had become the stranger. And he loved Eve. Adam made his decision. If Eve was to be punished, he would be punished with her.

He took the fruit from her hand.

I have this thing for myths. And legends. And fairy-tales. I like that something from real life was taken to tell a story...and that the story that was told has evolved and taken on new shapes. I love re-tellings (I love song covers as well). And one of my biggest obsessions is the story of Adam and Eve. It encompasses all the themes that I am interested in--religion, gender and love. I've been working on my novel and I seem to have come back to the story of Eve again.

I think I will read the Book of Genesis again. As a kid, I used to read it for the sex. I think it's one of the best story books in the Bible.

Rhetoric

Pause.

O, sleep...

I'll sing and dance and jump and sway,
I'll laze around, go out and play.
But that can wait for I must say,
I want to sleep a year and a day.

I miscalculated.

According to my calculations, I thought that I would need to write 2500 words per day starting from today, in order to reach the goal of 50000 words by the end of November. I actually have to write 2500 words per day starting yesterday, which means that I have to write a total of 5000 words by today.

I've only written 2500. And I could write more...really I could. I mean, it's free writing, which I do all the time. It takes me ten minutes to write 500 words. But I'm sleepy. Seriously, I just woke up from a nap about three hours ago.

I'm so sleepy right now that I can barely feel my fingertips. My soul feels like it's slipping out of my body.

And ack, I've just made the huge mistake of not saving my novel before I scrambled it...and then I saved the scrambled version. Hurray. I think a good night's sleep will do me good.

Anticipation

In Heroes, I love Noah Bennet more than I love any of the other superheroes. Like Batman, he has no superpowers. He's simply a man, who does what he needs to do to protect the things he loves, to stand up for what he believes in. That's deeply hot.

I'm bringing this up now because I just watched the trailer of Kick-Ass (2010). It looks interesting...in a Zombieland (2009) sorta way. Watch the trailer on /film.

I'm also looking forward to the book (and movie) My Name is Memory by Ann Brashares. (She wrote The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, which I really like.) Here's an excerpt:

"Some live only once. Some a very few times. And some just go on and on and on."

"Why?"

I put my head back on my pillow. "That is hard to explain. I'm not sure I really know."

"And you?"

"I've lived many times."

"And you remember them?"

"Yes..."

I'm about a thousand words into my novel. I can't wait till it's finished. I'm eager to see how this story develops. Then there's the collection of short stories. There are so many things to look forward to!

There's the clearing out of old things. The learning of Elvish. Hanging out with the dudes from the netball team. Hanging out with Sarah and Kris. And more...and MORE.

I'm still in love with love.

"So here we are. You and I. (Or is it 'you and me'? I can never remember.) And you ask if things might have been different. Of course things might have been different. But this is the way things are. And this is the path we have chosen."
-For use in future novel/screenplay/script/short story-

I tell people I like that feeling, you know, that aching that you feel in your chest when you've lost someone important to you. They think I'm weird and they rarely give me a chance to explain. Also, I've never bothered to explain...because I've never felt like it. But I feel like explaining now.

I like that feeling because it means that I have dared to risk something. That I have loved someone so much that losing them makes me feel like there's a huge, gaping hole in the middle of my chest. A hole so deep that my heart and my lungs feel like they're missing.

I've only felt like that once before...and although it's been years, the feeling has never really gone away. The hole has been filled up but the flesh that it has been filled up with doesn't have the right nerve endings. I don't feel anything except phantom pains.

I don't have feelings. I have memories of feelings. And I just...I don't know. I feel invincible. I feel like the worst has happened to me and that nothing worse could ever happen. I hope nothing worse happens. But I want the risk of something worse.

Last paper today.

And then I am coming home to do another marathon of Grey's Anatomy and finish reading Fushigi Yuugi and start my novel for nanowrimo. Maybe I'll go for a jog.

Reasons to believe in God.

I googled myself today. What?! I have a reason! Jon asked me for a picture of myself. (It's for The Hailer.) And I seriously don't have any lone, profile shots that are clear. So I thought I might google and see if any turned up.

Instead, I found the blog that Kris and I shared when we were in Melbourne together. I can't recognize my own writing. The writing feels so...present. I don't know how else to describe it.

And then I found the paintings that we made. We're so different, she and I. Night and day. Moon and sun. You get the picture...(haha, PUN!)




And Sarah is her own kind of 'funny'. I don't know how we've stayed friends for so long. And it's not just nostalgic friendship. We're not holding on because we've already held on for so long. Sarah and Kris say that it is a "God-thing". Maybe they're right.